Quote for the Day

“Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw blood in its defense.”

Mark Overby

New Year's Eve & The Panic Attach

I had another panic attack, and I can't believe it, because it was on New Year's eve. I was relaxed, in good company, and had no conscious worries on my mind. And yet, as I sat there with a friend, my hand begin to shake. That was followed by the shaking of other body parts, and hyperventilation. My eyes began to roll back in my head, and I struggled to regain control, but I could not. My friend asked if I was okay, and though the sound of his voice comforted me, I could not come out of the attack. He asked if I was having a panic attack or if he needed to call an ambulance. I could not answer. He asked again if I was okay. I was able to nod to him that I was. So, he calmly talked to me, held me, got a makeshift bag to help me with the hyperventilation, and held me tightly while I continued to convulse.

After it was all over, I cried because it was so humiliating, and I really thought I was done with these hideous assaults on my person. But fortunately, he was calm and understanding, and said that I would always be safe with him. He saw firsthand just how bad a panic attack can be, and yet, it was not the worst one I've had. And I wonder, will there be more, how often will they occur, and will they become worse and worse? What's causing them to come back? I'm under a lot of job stress, kid stress, financial stress, and relationship stress but who isn't? This was not the way I wanted to bring in the New Year, but I'm glad that I wasn't alone, and that the person with me was calm enough to go through it with me as much as possible and continued to tell me that it would be okay...that I would be okay.

2010. This is my year to end this thorn in my side. I refuse to let panic attacks have me again. I spent far too many years in their grasp, and it is my time to prevail now. I will do whatever it takes to end them.